Disclaimer

Zomg, I just realised: I've been operating for the last two years or so without the safety net of a "disclaimer". Man, Anyone could have sued me, since I didn't have some shitty five lined piece of crap absolving me of any responsibility. Oh no.

So, without further bull shit, here is the definitive, all covering, Disclaimer of Pwnage. Read it well.

1. Anything on this page is correct. It's like Wikipedia, except only I can edit it. Therefore, any conflicting ideas concerning this page are obviously wrong.
2. Morons will be bagged, and quite liberally. This is not to say that people with below average intelligence will be, just those who make it extremely obvious that they're the frigging stupidest people you've ever met in your life.
   
3. If you find something offensive on this page, I'm sorry. However, as already stated, it's correct, so, learn to live with it.
   
4. If your name (or organisation) is in the "hell" at the bottom of the page, I recommend you stay away. For my sake.
5. If you have any objections to anything I've ever written, are currently writing, or will write in the future, then say so. I just won't listen, because, as per #1, anything I ever write here is correct.
   
6. Address all complaints to this address:(Email me!)
7. No, that's not the Scientology "Volunteer Ministers" email address. I'm not lying, see #1.
   
8. Any further queries can be left in the comments section.

Note: this is not a copy (or paraphrasing) of Maddox's page. So shut up about how I bagged out Ben T last post about copying Maddox's disclaimer, it's different.


While I'm here, I might as well point something about Scientology. First off: I hate them. The religion was started by L. Ron Hubbard, a failing Science Fiction writer. Second, the entire "religion" is a steaming pile of crud anyway. Evidence? Xenu, Wikipedia. Read those pages, especially the Xenu one, that's really good, then come back. I can wait.

THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE!!
Yeah. That picture's from the the 1998 BBC Panorama documentary "The Road to Total Freedom?" Probably should watch that too.

Oh, you're back. Yeah, um... Third, they're pretty frigging sneaky, and normally I'd respect that, but they're using "Psychiatrists" to trick people into paying massive amounts of money for psychiatric help, which doesn't actually get them anywhere, just makes them take more brainwashing Scientology courses. As opposed to regular Psychiatry, which does get results, despite the massive cost ($150 an hour, at least).
That picture there is the "evil" entity in the Scientology story, a dude named Xenu. Apparrently, 75 million years ago, he rounded up about 14 billion people... Bleh, I can't be bothered, I'll just copy and paste from Wikipedia. Enjoy.

START BORING BIT

Seventy-five million years ago, Xenu was the ruler of a Galactic Confederacy which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets including Earth, which was then known as Teegeeack. The planets were overpopulated, each having on average 178 billion people. The Galactic Confederacy's civilization was comparable to our own, with people "walking around in clothes which looked very remarkably like the clothes they wear this very minute" and using cars, trains and boats looking exactly the same as those "circa 1950, 1960" on Earth.

Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of "renegades", he defeated the populace and the "Loyal Officers", a force for good that was opposed to Xenu. Then, with the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of people to paralyse them with injections of alcohol and glycol, under the pretense that they were being called for "income tax inspections". The kidnapped populace was loaded into space planes for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The space planes were exact copies of Douglas DC-8s, "except the DC-8 had fans, propellers on it and the space plane didn't." DC-8s have jet engines, not propellers, although Hubbard may have meant the turbine fans.

When the space planes had reached Teegeeack/Earth, the paralysed people were unloaded and stacked around the bases of volcanoes across the planet. Hydrogen bombs were lowered into the volcanoes, and all were detonated simultaneously. Only a few people's physical bodies survived. Hubbard described the scene in his abortive film script, Revolt in the Stars:

Simultaneously, the planted charges erupted. Atomic blasts ballooned from the craters of Loa, Vesuvius, Shasta, Washington, Fujiyama, Etna, and many, many others. Arching higher and higher, up and outwards, towering clouds mushroomed, shot through with flashes of flame, waste and fission. Great winds raced tumultuously across the face of Earth, spreading tales of destruction. Debris-studded, and sickly yellow, the atomic clouds followed close on the heels of the winds. Their bow-shaped fronts encroached inexorably upon forest, city and mankind, they delivered their gifts of death and radiation. A skyscraper, tall and arrow-straight, bent over to form a question mark to the very idea of humanity before crumbling into the screaming city below...

The now-disembodied victims' souls, which Hubbard called thetans, were blown into the air by the blast. They were captured by Xenu's forces using an "electronic ribbon" ("which also was a type of standing wave") and sucked into "vacuum zones" around the world. The hundreds of billions of captured thetans were taken to a type of cinema, where they were forced to watch a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days. This implanted what Hubbard termed "various misleading data" (collectively termed the R6 implant) into the memories of the hapless thetans, "which has to do with God, the Devil, space opera, etcetera". This included all world religions, with Hubbard specifically attributing Roman Catholicism and the image of the Crucifixion to the influence of Xenu. The interior decoration of "all modern theaters" is also said by Hubbard to be due to an unconscious recollection of Xenu's implants. The two "implant stations" cited by Hubbard were said to have been located on Hawaii and Las Palmas in the Canary Islands.

In addition to implanting new beliefs in the thetans, the images deprived them of their sense of personal identity. When the thetans left the projection areas, they started to cluster together in groups of a few thousand, having lost the ability to differentiate between each other. Each cluster of thetans gathered into one of the few remaining bodies that survived the explosion. These became what are known as body thetans, which are said to be still clinging to and adversely affecting everyone except those Scientologists who have performed the necessary steps to remove them.

The Loyal Officers finally overthrew Xenu and locked him away in a mountain, where he was imprisoned forever by a force field powered by an eternal battery. (Some have suggested that Xenu is imprisoned on Earth in the Pyrenees, but Hubbard merely refers to "one of these planets" [of the Galactic Confederacy]; he does, however, refer to the Pyrenees as being the site of the last operating "Martian report station", which is probably the source of this particular confusion.^[3]) Teegeeack/Earth was subsequently abandoned by the Galactic Confederacy and remains a pariah "prison planet" to this day, although it has suffered repeatedly from incursions by alien "Invader Forces" since that time.

END BORING BIT

You didn't have to read all that, but I did. It's pretty interesting, to see just HOW FREAKING STUPID this "religion" is. Any questions? Like, what kind of name for a planet is Teegeeack? That's the one that's going to haunt my dreams for weeks.

This'll probably be my last post before Italy, so I've tried to make it a good one. It's probably too long, and too boring, but I tried.

Ben
"Xenu is my Homeboy."