Sergeant Star

Not a Master Sergeant, it would seem, for I have bested him in a battle of wits.
Looking into the crowd, I hear the question "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Well. The United States Army has obviously taken a lot of shit-flinging because of it's involvement in the Iraq war. As such, they've created a "chat system" with Sergeant Star. So, I decided to interview the Sergeant, see what he had to offer me.

SGT STAR: Welcome Monkeyman. How can I help you today?

MonkeyMan: How many people were in your first barracks?

SGT STAR: Single Soldiers live in barracks - a dormitory like setting. Depending on where you are assigned, you may be assigned a roommate, but men and women are not allowed to share rooms. Some single Soldiers are authorized to live off post based on location and command approval

MonkeyMan: Will I be shot at if I join the United States army?

SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.

MonkeyMan: Then why have your troops been in Iraq for 4-5 years?

SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.

I think you may be looking for more detail than I have. If you would like to discuss this in more detail, click "Ask Live Help

MonkeyMan: When will the US army get out of Iraq?

SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.

MonkeyMan: How long will the occupation of Iraq last?

SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.

I think you may be looking for more detail than I have. If you would like to discuss this in more detail, click "Ask Live Help".

MonkeyMan: Stop telling me about deployment and answer the question.

SGT STAR: After a lot of training by some of the best Soldiers, I know a great deal about the Army and Soldier life. I would be happy to answer your questions about becoming a Soldier.

MonkeyMan: Why is the US army fighting another pointless war?

SGT STAR: I can only tell you about the Army, which is the largest and oldest of all the branches of service. It's self-contained, well-equipped and can be deployed anywhere in the world. As the largest branch, the Army offers the most competitive enlistment options, incentives and guarantees.

MonkeyMan: Conscientious Objector

SGT STAR: All Soldiers are required to learn marksmanship, hand-to-hand combat and other tactics related to combat. Soldiers depend on each other during combat operations. If you are not willing to use your training, then perhaps the Army is not for you.

MonkeyMan: Is the US army apologetic about the Vietnam conflict?

SGT STAR: Good question. I'm not sure how to answer that. Please try rewording your question. I understand simple questions best.

MonkeyMan: Are you sorry for defoliating Vietnam?

SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?

MonkeyMan: Is the US army sorry for destroying most of South Vietnam in the 1970s?

SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?

MonkeyMan: You just automatically respond with that whenever I say "Sorry", don't you.

SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?

MonkeyMan: sorry

SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?

MonkeyMan: What is the chain of command in the US army?

SGT STAR: Here are some jobs in that category that might be of interest to you.

MonkeyMan: Who is your commanding officer?

SGT STAR: Displayed is a list of U.S. Army Ranks and Insignias

MonkeyMan: How do I get promoted in the army?

SGT STAR: Once you decide to join the Army, your success depends on your qualifications, desire, commitment and demonstrated leadership potential.

MonkeyMan: I'm disappointed at the way this chat is going; I was hoping you could answer my questions about the current wars your army is involved with.

SGT STAR: After a lot of training by some of the best Soldiers, I know a great deal about the Army and Soldier life. I would be happy to answer your questions about becoming a Soldier.

MonkeyMan: Don't dodge the question

SGT STAR: Good. What can I answer for you about the army?

MonkeyMan: Why are your troops still in Iraq, after there were no WMDs, you stopped Saddam Houssein's regime, found him, kidnapped him and had him tried and killed?

SGT STAR: Unfortunately, some Soldiers do die during combat. The possibility of death exists in every profession. In the event that a Soldier dies, the Army provides compensation for the family.

MonkeyMan: Well, Sergeant, thank you for your time.

SGT STAR: You're welcome.

MonkeyMan: I win, haha.

As you can clearly see, Sergeant Star is very vague about matters that actually matter, and is more of a recruitment robot than a press machine. Still, you'd think that with the $1 Trillion dollar budget (USD) the military has, they could build a better chatbot. Disappointing.

Ben