On the topic of that Apple usergroup dealie, it's just a bunch of bloggers. Not sponsored or endorsed by Apple. Hehe. No MonkeyMan for them :D
Ben
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Purge Writing the Third - This time, it's personal.
Start time: 11:40
End time: 12:00.
Ready... Go!
Bugger. It's the end of the holidays. I was just starting to enjoy them, too. I've got my Wii, The Burning Crusade is out, life is peachy. So what if I've been on holiday since November, so freaking what? I deserve at least 6 months holiday every year. Technically, I guess I get that much total. If you include sleeping. I was gonna try and post something to this from the Wii. There are two ways I can achieve this. 1) Email the post to the "E-mail a post here" address for the blog, or 2) Try and get into this page I'm at now, in Opera, on the Wii. I tried #2 first... I got to this page, filled in the title... Clicked in this box, and nothing happened. I couldn't post. I was very pissed off. So, I tried #1. I got into the E-mail section of the wii... Sent myself a very short note. Let me go get it.
It looked a lot longer on my TV screen than it does on your Computer screen. Seriously, it looked massive. Like, I thought I'd written a masterpiece. I got to my inbox, bam. Shit central.
Speaking of shit E-mails, I recieved this one from Apple:
Dear blog author:
...
It's ok. I've recovered. Damn, though. Apple freaks me out on a daily basis. My iPod STILL crashes, iTunes isn't much better... And that one time I had to go into an Apple store... I felt like I needed a shower. Not cool, not at all. No.
Maybe I'll join and spread Microsoft propaganda. That'd learn them. The least they could have done would to have put my name, instead of Blog Author. That's just not cool. They got my email address, they should be able to get my name. Grr.
Oh, and another thing: WHO THE FUCK GIVES HOLIDAY HOMEWORK OVER CHRISTMAS!!!! AAHH!! This would be the first time in history that I've decided to hate BSC. It's a good school. I like it there, the atmosphere is good for learning. Apart from the permanant Lynx smell all over the joint, but that's another point entirely. Grr. Damn teachers. Damn them all.
Bleh, that'll do. +5 minutes to my average. Bugger.
Ben
End time: 12:00.
Ready... Go!
Bugger. It's the end of the holidays. I was just starting to enjoy them, too. I've got my Wii, The Burning Crusade is out, life is peachy. So what if I've been on holiday since November, so freaking what? I deserve at least 6 months holiday every year. Technically, I guess I get that much total. If you include sleeping. I was gonna try and post something to this from the Wii. There are two ways I can achieve this. 1) Email the post to the "E-mail a post here" address for the blog, or 2) Try and get into this page I'm at now, in Opera, on the Wii. I tried #2 first... I got to this page, filled in the title... Clicked in this box, and nothing happened. I couldn't post. I was very pissed off. So, I tried #1. I got into the E-mail section of the wii... Sent myself a very short note. Let me go get it.
Subject: ZOMG!!1
First off, let me start by saying "I`m
writing this on my Wii. Second:
Bugger. School goes back on
Wednesday. Bugger again. A third
time, too, because of un-finished
homework. Bugger.
It looked a lot longer on my TV screen than it does on your Computer screen. Seriously, it looked massive. Like, I thought I'd written a masterpiece. I got to my inbox, bam. Shit central.
Speaking of shit E-mails, I recieved this one from Apple:
Dear blog author:
We recently came across your site, themonkeyman.blogspot.com, while searching for bloggers who blog about Apple Computer issues.
A small group of us have started a new site called Apple Computer. Our intent is to bring Apple Computer bloggers closer together, and make a positive contribution to the Internet community.
Would you be interested in joining Apple Computer? Please take a few minutes to have a look at what we are trying to do, and if you are interested, there is a sign up page to get the ball rolling. We would greatly appreciate your support in this endeavour.
If you do not feel that your blog would be a good fit for Apple Computer, but enjoy this subject area, come visit us and one of our member bloggers. You can also check our FAQ Section to learn more about Apple Computer.
We look forward to hearing from you and seeing you on Apple Computer.
Craig Cantin
Apple Computer
info@apple-computer-bloggers.com
Please note: you will receive this email no more than twice. If you do not respond to this email, we will send out a second and final email in approximately 3 weeks time. If you respond, by joining or by declining the invitation, we will not intentionally send this invite a second time.
You can join or visit Apple Computer at any time, but we do not believe in spam, and will not intentionally send this invite more than twice. If you have any concerns regarding our anti-spam policy, please do not hesitate to contact us.
I had no idea how to respond, or how they got my E-mail address, for that matter. It's not like it's publically displayed on the blog or anything. Creepy. I reckon they did a web crawl of blog sites for iPod, and other such Apple trademarks. Like Google, but more sinister. I still have no idea how to respond. What if they're trying to subvert me to their evil Apple propaganda? Aah! THE POWER OF VISTA COMPELLS YOU!!...
It's ok. I've recovered. Damn, though. Apple freaks me out on a daily basis. My iPod STILL crashes, iTunes isn't much better... And that one time I had to go into an Apple store... I felt like I needed a shower. Not cool, not at all. No.
Maybe I'll join and spread Microsoft propaganda. That'd learn them. The least they could have done would to have put my name, instead of Blog Author. That's just not cool. They got my email address, they should be able to get my name. Grr.
Oh, and another thing: WHO THE FUCK GIVES HOLIDAY HOMEWORK OVER CHRISTMAS!!!! AAHH!! This would be the first time in history that I've decided to hate BSC. It's a good school. I like it there, the atmosphere is good for learning. Apart from the permanant Lynx smell all over the joint, but that's another point entirely. Grr. Damn teachers. Damn them all.
Bleh, that'll do. +5 minutes to my average. Bugger.
Ben
Thursday, January 25, 2007
5 Stages
Dr. H: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go throughStored here for posterity. Don't ask questions.
five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying! [hugs Marge]
Dr. H: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little! [steps towards Dr. H]
Dr. H: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear? [cringes]
Dr. H: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. H: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Ben
Monday, January 15, 2007
Just a quiche...
To say that I won't be around for the next 5 days or so, as my family and a family that we're friends with are going to Mount Martha until Friday. I will be virtually unreachable, as this is a Scout Campsite (read: no internet). Email messages can't be read until the 19th, but would still be nice to come home to :D
Ben
P.S: I'm going for a personal best for posts this month, after re-doing the blog and shinifying it. My previous personal best was 33, in August 2004. I'm up to 15 with this post, so, lets see how we do. Most of those ones in August 2004 were BS about my day, anyway. I've moved on to proper philosophical rambling now.
Ben
P.S: I'm going for a personal best for posts this month, after re-doing the blog and shinifying it. My previous personal best was 33, in August 2004. I'm up to 15 with this post, so, lets see how we do. Most of those ones in August 2004 were BS about my day, anyway. I've moved on to proper philosophical rambling now.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Purge Writing: Part 2
Yes, it's once again time for me to start writing at a certain time and see how long I can coherently string this out for. I'm starting at 10:10 (not including this introduction) and aiming for 10:40.
Ready...
Set...
And a GO!
I love to write. I really do. It allows me to put my thoughts out on a viewable plane for me to review and draw conclusions from. It doesn't hurt that I'm very good at writing, either :P I've been told that, by various teachers, so it's not something I've just pulled out of my ass. I've also been told that my style of writing is too much like investigative journalism. Which apparrently is not the correct style of writing for a formal history essay, and as such even a well written, well researched essay deserves a C. *glare* What's wrong with investigative journalism anyway? I think it'd be awesome fun. Exposing frauds, showing the world exactly what's wrong with itself, giving precious airtime to the cricket, it's all a part of the experience. Maybe if the whole Psychiatrist thing falls through, and the IT specialist thing doesn't get off the ground, then I could try my hand at that. It'd be fun. I'd get to meet a lot of new people, too, which is fun.
I've met a lot of new people in the passed... since November 25th... and I think I've had a profound affect on some of them. Example: I spoke to someone on MSN last night, a friend of a friend who asked me to add her, but only started talking to me then because she "had no clue who I was". She barely knew me, but by the end of the conversation was baring her soul about a fight she had with one of her friends (and one of my acquaintences). I guess I'm just too good a listener. I don't quite see how that Psychiatrist thing could possibly fall through, I'm uncannily good at it. Or, failing that, I could become a Roman Catholic priest and hear confessionals. It's pretty much the same thing, except you listen and judge instead of help. OK, unfair, having God forgive you for your sins is sure to be life-affirming, but I doubt that having the big metal hand in the sky say "you're fine" would make me feel any better about MY sins, should I have any. Interesting thing to think about though. What would a divine encounter involve?
I reckon it'd be kinda cool, hearing the word of God first-hand, not from some books written hundreds of years after the events happened. If that were to happen, I'd become a prophet. That can be job choice number 4. I'd go around the lands with my carefully transcribed notes on the conversation (asking the big cheese to slow down if necessary, and asking him to repeat himself if I don't catch something) that accurately portray the meaning and correct interpretation of what was said. If a bunch of crazy pope worshippers decide that I'm wrong, then I say bring it on. I just hope I don't have to involve Switzerland. They've been neutral for so long, and escaping the world's attention since World War Two, they've gotta be planning something. If I were to offend a whole nation by taking down their elite guard singlehandedly, it sure wouldn't want to be those dudes. No wonder they've stayed neutral for so long though, have you ever seen the knives they're given to fight with? I don't think I need a pair of nose-hair trimmers in the middle of a battle, thank you.
I just watched a Flash Movie by the great Manuel Fallman (click the freaky moving black button on the side bar for more), about fighting and such. It was pretty cool, this one dude in a black trench coat with a katana taking down hordes of dudes with machine guns. The one thing that made it different from the Matrix, however, was that it was set in a post-apocalyptic warzone, so they're all wearing gas-masks. They only took the katana-wielding dude down by taking off his gas-mask. He still managed to kill the dude that took his mask off, too. What a freaking bad-ass.
I was gonna write a rock opera these holidays, specifically this week (that's just gone by), because everyone was out, or on holidays or such, and I had the house to myself. I got the idea partially from the Dream Theater album "Scenes From a Memory" and partially from the Queen album "A Night at the Opera". They're both pretty good, and they're both (apparrently) rock operas. That idea, however, died like so many of my other "good" ideas have. Oh well, doesn't matter. I'm going on holidays tomorrow, and I'm gonna be bored to sobs. Waah. We (my family) and this other family (two parents, 4 daughters) are going to stay at some Scout Camp joint out at Mount Martha from Monday 'till Friday. It's been billed as a way to "relax and unwind before another stressful year". You freaking got that right, nothing's ever simple in my family. I suppose it'll give me a few days to think on my own. Of course, Sam's gonna be sticking to me like glue, so there goes that. I'll say "I'm going for a walk, mum/dad." "OK Ben, take Sam with you!" and Internally, I'll say "FUCK!" Because I really don't want to babysit another Year Seven kid. I already did that in Italy. "Ben, we've put you in a room with the year 10 you don't get along with, and the year 7 who's been picked-on by all the year 8s he's had to stay with. We expect you all to get along fine." It ended up with a massive pillow fight, with myself as the victor. I think I nearly killed him, but that was because he smashed my glasses off my face, and didn't let me sleep the night before. Also, he wouldn't leave me alone, and wouldn't fucking shut up about Green Day. They are not good. Shut up. I don't care how many people bought American Idiot, it was because they agreed with the title.
Heck, I'm doing it again. I've run out of ideas, I can tell. Whenever I'm in an exam, and I feel that I've written enough (read: I have run out of ideas) I start picking at my fingernails, trying to clean them. I've done it twice while writing this, and I know what it means. I've stopped being funny. Bugger. I was 6 minutes away from achieving my goal, too. I did write a lot, though. Hey, here's an idea...
Wow, I'm incredible. I wrote for a full half an hour. Too good, this kid is. Too freaking good. Expect to see more of these Purge Writing sessions, I really enjoyed it. Made me stop thinking for a while, and that's something that's not quite easy to do. Whirring like that, going a mile a fucking minute. Why the hell do we still say that? "Mile a minute". "Kilometer a minute" fits better with the metric system, but doesn't really sound as good, because we've accepted Mile a Minute into the dialect of this part of the world. Sometimes, I think I could outsmart Dr Hawking, that's how smart I feel sometimes. Othertimes though, I feel like I could lose DotA, 5v5, me with 4 Insane bots against 5 easy bots. That's how dumb I feel sometimes.
What a conclusion. He's just such a talented writer.
Ben
P.S: That did actually take me a full 30 minutes to write, the struck-outted text up there was just for effect. ;)
Ready...
Set...
And a GO!
I love to write. I really do. It allows me to put my thoughts out on a viewable plane for me to review and draw conclusions from. It doesn't hurt that I'm very good at writing, either :P I've been told that, by various teachers, so it's not something I've just pulled out of my ass. I've also been told that my style of writing is too much like investigative journalism. Which apparrently is not the correct style of writing for a formal history essay, and as such even a well written, well researched essay deserves a C. *glare* What's wrong with investigative journalism anyway? I think it'd be awesome fun. Exposing frauds, showing the world exactly what's wrong with itself, giving precious airtime to the cricket, it's all a part of the experience. Maybe if the whole Psychiatrist thing falls through, and the IT specialist thing doesn't get off the ground, then I could try my hand at that. It'd be fun. I'd get to meet a lot of new people, too, which is fun.
I've met a lot of new people in the passed... since November 25th... and I think I've had a profound affect on some of them. Example: I spoke to someone on MSN last night, a friend of a friend who asked me to add her, but only started talking to me then because she "had no clue who I was". She barely knew me, but by the end of the conversation was baring her soul about a fight she had with one of her friends (and one of my acquaintences). I guess I'm just too good a listener. I don't quite see how that Psychiatrist thing could possibly fall through, I'm uncannily good at it. Or, failing that, I could become a Roman Catholic priest and hear confessionals. It's pretty much the same thing, except you listen and judge instead of help. OK, unfair, having God forgive you for your sins is sure to be life-affirming, but I doubt that having the big metal hand in the sky say "you're fine" would make me feel any better about MY sins, should I have any. Interesting thing to think about though. What would a divine encounter involve?
I reckon it'd be kinda cool, hearing the word of God first-hand, not from some books written hundreds of years after the events happened. If that were to happen, I'd become a prophet. That can be job choice number 4. I'd go around the lands with my carefully transcribed notes on the conversation (asking the big cheese to slow down if necessary, and asking him to repeat himself if I don't catch something) that accurately portray the meaning and correct interpretation of what was said. If a bunch of crazy pope worshippers decide that I'm wrong, then I say bring it on. I just hope I don't have to involve Switzerland. They've been neutral for so long, and escaping the world's attention since World War Two, they've gotta be planning something. If I were to offend a whole nation by taking down their elite guard singlehandedly, it sure wouldn't want to be those dudes. No wonder they've stayed neutral for so long though, have you ever seen the knives they're given to fight with? I don't think I need a pair of nose-hair trimmers in the middle of a battle, thank you.
I just watched a Flash Movie by the great Manuel Fallman (click the freaky moving black button on the side bar for more), about fighting and such. It was pretty cool, this one dude in a black trench coat with a katana taking down hordes of dudes with machine guns. The one thing that made it different from the Matrix, however, was that it was set in a post-apocalyptic warzone, so they're all wearing gas-masks. They only took the katana-wielding dude down by taking off his gas-mask. He still managed to kill the dude that took his mask off, too. What a freaking bad-ass.
I was gonna write a rock opera these holidays, specifically this week (that's just gone by), because everyone was out, or on holidays or such, and I had the house to myself. I got the idea partially from the Dream Theater album "Scenes From a Memory" and partially from the Queen album "A Night at the Opera". They're both pretty good, and they're both (apparrently) rock operas. That idea, however, died like so many of my other "good" ideas have. Oh well, doesn't matter. I'm going on holidays tomorrow, and I'm gonna be bored to sobs. Waah. We (my family) and this other family (two parents, 4 daughters) are going to stay at some Scout Camp joint out at Mount Martha from Monday 'till Friday. It's been billed as a way to "relax and unwind before another stressful year". You freaking got that right, nothing's ever simple in my family. I suppose it'll give me a few days to think on my own. Of course, Sam's gonna be sticking to me like glue, so there goes that. I'll say "I'm going for a walk, mum/dad." "OK Ben, take Sam with you!" and Internally, I'll say "FUCK!" Because I really don't want to babysit another Year Seven kid. I already did that in Italy. "Ben, we've put you in a room with the year 10 you don't get along with, and the year 7 who's been picked-on by all the year 8s he's had to stay with. We expect you all to get along fine." It ended up with a massive pillow fight, with myself as the victor. I think I nearly killed him, but that was because he smashed my glasses off my face, and didn't let me sleep the night before. Also, he wouldn't leave me alone, and wouldn't fucking shut up about Green Day. They are not good. Shut up. I don't care how many people bought American Idiot, it was because they agreed with the title.
Wow, I'm incredible. I wrote for a full half an hour. Too good, this kid is. Too freaking good. Expect to see more of these Purge Writing sessions, I really enjoyed it. Made me stop thinking for a while, and that's something that's not quite easy to do. Whirring like that, going a mile a fucking minute. Why the hell do we still say that? "Mile a minute". "Kilometer a minute" fits better with the metric system, but doesn't really sound as good, because we've accepted Mile a Minute into the dialect of this part of the world. Sometimes, I think I could outsmart Dr Hawking, that's how smart I feel sometimes. Othertimes though, I feel like I could lose DotA, 5v5, me with 4 Insane bots against 5 easy bots. That's how dumb I feel sometimes.
What a conclusion. He's just such a talented writer.
Ben
P.S: That did actually take me a full 30 minutes to write, the struck-outted text up there was just for effect. ;)
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Translation of Zomg!11
I want to prove a point with this post by typing it as if I was one of the regular people on the internet. I have a problem with people typing like this. It’s not cool. It’s not leet. It makes you look like a moron. When I’m trying to read stuff on the internet, and all I get is this shit, then I get pissed off! I can’t read anything that’s here, and then I get turned off from reading it. I was having a discussion on World of Warcraft, or I thought I was, about someone who regularly corrected people when they made typos. I put my opinion in, which was that I couldn’t stand people who typed like this: “omg lyk, im soo pr0z0rs nd lyk, j00 aar n000b, lol!!1”, or something similar to that. Then someone said that correcting people’s bad spelling was racist, I pointed out that speaking English was something people should do on a
Ben
zomg!11
I WANT 2 PROVA A POINT WIT THIS POST BY TYPNG IT AS IF I WAS ON3 OF TEH REGULAR PEOPLA ON DA INT3RNET!1!! OMG WTF LOL I HAEV A PROBL3M WIT P3OPLE TYPNG LIEK THIS!1!!11 OMG IT’S NOT COL111111!! LOL IT’S NOT LET!1!!1!11 LOL IT MAEKS U LOK LIEK A MORON1!1!!1 WTF LOL WH3N I’M TRYNG 2 READ STUF ON TEH INTERN3T AND AL I GAT IS THIS SHIT THEN I G3T PISAD OF!!11!1 OMG WTF LOL I CAN’T RAAD ANYTHNG TAHT’S HERE AND THEN I GET TURNED OF FROM RAADNG IT11!1 LOL I WAS HAVNG A DISCUSION ON WORLD OF WARCRAFT OR I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT SOMEONA WHO REGULARLY CORECTAD P3OPL3 WHAN THEY MAED TYPOS!1!11 WTF LOL I PUT MAH OPINION IN WHICH WAS TAHT I CUDN’T STAND PAOPL3 WHO TYP3D LIEK THIS “OMG LYK IM SO PR0Z0RS ND LYK J0 AR N00B LOL!1”1!1111!!!11!1 OR SOM3THNG SIMILAR 2 TAHT1!!11 OMG LOL THAN SOM3ON3 SADE TAHT COR3CTNG PEOPLA’S BAD SPALNG WAS RACIST I POINT3D OUT TAHT SP3AKNG ENGLISH WAS SOMATHNG PAOPLE SHUD DO ON A US GM3 THAN I GOT 2LD (PRIVAETLY) 2 SHUT UP B/C I DIDN’T KNOW WUT I WAS TOKNG ABOUT111!!!1! OMG WTF LOL IRONICALY HE SENT THIS MESAEG FUL OF SPELNG ERORS WHICH I WAS SO TAMPTED 2 POINT OUT BUT I PROBABLY WUD HAEV BEN KIK3D OUT!!1!111! WTF IS THEIR SOM3THNG SO INTRINSICALY WRONG WIT TEH SUB-CULTUR3 OF TEH INTERNET TAHT TH3Y’V3 ADOPT3D… THIS AS THERE LANGUAEG??!??!! LOL IS NOBSP3AK TEH NU ANGLISH?!!!!! OMG IF SO THEN I’M GONA TAEK A LAAP OUT OF MAH VES3L ON TEH INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY AND ROL IN2 DA BUSHES BSIED1111 OMG WTF I CAN’T STAND BAD GRMMAR!1!11!1! OMG I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MOR3 FIRMLY I CAN IMPR3S THIS UPON U1!1!1 OMG LOL
BN
BN
Home
[Past]
[The Sleeper:]
Shine- lake of fire
Lines take me higher
My mind drips desire
Confined
and overtired
Living this charade
Is getting me
nowhere
I can't shake this charade
The
city's cold blood calls me home...
Home... It's
what I long for
Back home... where I belong
The
city- it calls to me
Decadent scenes from my memory
Sorrow- eternity
My demons are coming to drown me
Help- I'm falling, I'm crawling
I
can't keep away from its clutch
Can't have it,
this habit
It's calling me back to my home
[The Miracle:]
I remember the first time she came to
me
She poured out her soul all night and cried...
I remember I was told there's a new love that's
born
For each one that has died...
I never
thought that I
Could carry on with this life
But I
can't resist myself
No matter how hard I try
Living their other life
Is getting them nowhere
I'll make her my wife
Her sweet temptation calls me
home...
Home... It's what I long for
My home...
where she belongs
Her ecstasy- means so much to me
Even decieving my own blood
Victoria watches and
thoughtfully smiles
She's taking me to my home
Help- he's my brother, but I love her
I
can't keep away from her touch
Deception, dishonor
It's calling me back to my home
"...four,
four, who wants the hard [A craps "stickman" is heard
]
four?... who wants the hard four?... [calling out
various betsduring ]
...shooter had one, four...
[the gambling and sexsequence. ]
...one, four... one and
make it the
hard way... ...got the shooter... ...coming out
for a newplayer...
take your best shot, gambler... ...who
wants to come?
better hop in... place your bets... who
wants to come?"
[Present]
[Nicholas:]
Her
story- it holds the key
Unlocking dreams from my memory
Solving this mystery
Is everything that is a part of
me
Help- regression, obsession
I can't keep
away from it's clutch
Leave no doubt, to find out
It's calling me back to my home
Ben
Friday, January 12, 2007
WiiSyndrome
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I finally got my Wii. At this stage, however, after playing WiiBowling for a few hours, I'm wishing I didn't. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, the Wii is Nintendo's addition to the 7th generation gaming market, to compete with the Playstation 3 and the X-Box 360. In my (incredibly biased) opinion, the Wii spanks them both. The major calling card of the Wii is it's motion sensing controller. Example. You can use said controller as a Tennis Racket, Baseball Bat, Golf Club, etc. You have to do the motions, too, and when you need to bowl at >100kph, it really really fucking hurts. Which brings me back to Wii syndrome. I've pulled a muscle in my right arm thanks to this son of a bitch. Oh, how it is worth it though. I get to play the greatest game ever (Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess), unobstructed for... today and tomorrow. Untill Sam gets back. Crud. Oh well, at least I'll be able to play it or the computer constantly. Woo.
Ben
Ben
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Boredom
I'm over the holidays. I'm completely sick of them. I've exhausted my book supply, there's no good movies coming out untill February 8th, I don't have a Wii... In short, I'm bored.
I'm still not ready to go back to school, though. Ohh no. That'll happen by about February 3rd. Three days after we go back. There's 20 days untill we have to go back to school, and I intend to make them count. Starting, of course, by going away on Monday. That's exactly what I want to do. I'm 80% sure I'm gonna be bored out of my skull. Does not help in the slightest that most of my friends are away someplace, too. So I get to sit here for the next 4 days, presumably do something with someone at least once in those four days... Then go away for 5 days, come back "refreshed, and ready to tackly the school year..." *cough* Then I get 11 days to do my homework, and get ready for year 11. Presumably, I'll do something with someone at least once in those 11 days, heh.
I don't know why I'm writing this after midnight. I never have any good ideas past midnight. Never. Nevernevernevernevernever! It doesn't happen. I'm just sick of having nothing to do, no new challenge to severly kick the ass of, no friends to talk to... Maybe I'll write a book, maybe I'll plan heinous crimes, maybe I'll even do some of said crimes. Who knows.
I'll tell you one thing though, it's not going to be heart failure brought on by large amounts of fat, it's not going to be murder, it's not even going to be suicide (I promise. I don't care what *people* think, it's not going to happen). I'm going to die a slow, painful death brought on by boredom. I'll be sitting here, idly typing some more random bullshit to fill the page, then my eyes will slowly fuse together, and I'll be a cyclops for about 10 minutes. I won't notice though, because my vision won't change. After that, they'll keep pushing together into the middle of my face, and the only thing I'll notice will be my eye(s) slowly going out of focus, I'll take my glasses off and clean them, but by that time it'll be too late, my eye will explode, splattering the computer screen with my cornea. I'll scream in bloodcurdling pain, attempt to type something about the excruciating pain I'm going through, but of course, since I can't see the keyboard, ur:kk qukk ainwrhunf kujw rhua,*
Then, as the air seeps through the hole in my face and the toxic particles in the air attack my brain, I'll start writhing around on the keyboard in a manner similar to this: n hadn na mx babvdxczujnmtgrfbs-y80...
Then, I assume I'll die.
There you go, my death, perfectly choreographed for you. Enjoy. Look out for the flash movie and animated GIFs, coming soon!
EDIT: As promised, Animated GIF. I can't be bothered releasing the movie, it's too bad.
Ben
*That was "It'll look something like this." Except everything was one letter to the left, to illustrate that I couldn't see the keyboard. Any Questions?
Saturday, January 06, 2007
MSN, prepare to die.
Ladies and gentlemen, I come before you to address a stereotype. A heavily prevalent stereotype in today's society, yet one that has not recieved nearly enough attention, when compared to those such as "fat americans" or "bogan australians". This stereotype is the stereotype that "everyone with glasses is a nerd." That would be like saying "every american is fat", or "every australian is a bogan". While amusing at the time, these stereotypes are rarely true. George Bush isn't fat. I'm not a bogan (although the mullet may mislead you). Therefore, not everyone with glasses is a nerd. Microsoft, however, doesn't seem to think so. I give you this evidence. Specifically, this:
This emoticon has glasses. Therefore, in the eyes of popular culture, it's a nerd. That's just fact.
What are they really saying, when they call you a nerd? My favourite insult is "you dumb nerd", usually accompanied with "LOL!!!!111" Such a statement seems to go against the grain of the general idea of a "nerd", that is someone who is exceptionately intelligent in many fields, yet possesses significantly hampered social skills. You know what though? I'd much rather be exceptionately smart, and even have to "deal with" wearing glasses, if it means that I get intelligent conversation, avoid talking to those who would waste my time, and on 10-20 years, be really, really rich.
Lets take a look at some of the world's biggest nerds:
Bill Gates:Former CEO of Microsoft. Estimated worth: $56 Billion, US. That's a "B", not an "M".
Steve Jobs: CEO of Apple, CEO of Pixar. Estimated Worth: $4.9 Billion (only because people like Microsoft more).
...
Screw this, lets just take a look at the forbes 400.
9 out of those 25 made their fortunes from computers, which would have to be one of the nerdiest professions. QED, it's not so bad to be a nerd. They all probably have glasses, too. Bill Gates does, odds are from hours of staring at a computer screen 0.o
People still seem to have an unneccessary problem with nerds though. Maybe they're freaked out by their "lack of social skills" (sorry, but I don't think this one is always true, just look at anyone in "the nerd class" at BSC. Most of them are perfectly fine to talk to), their success, their appearence... Who knows. The point is, MSN should NOT call that emoticon the "Nerd Smile".
It should be "Smile with Glasses" at most, I'd settle for "Glasses" though. UNFAIR PROFILING, MSN! Why on earth don't they deliever a "black smile" Emoticon next? I'm sure all the black people that use MSN are just shitting themselves that they have to appear yellow, just like all us nerds were complaining about a lack of glasses-ridden smile to show off with. They'd never add a "black smile" because it's racist. What's the difference? It's still discrimination.
Ben
This emoticon has glasses. Therefore, in the eyes of popular culture, it's a nerd. That's just fact.
What are they really saying, when they call you a nerd? My favourite insult is "you dumb nerd", usually accompanied with "LOL!!!!111" Such a statement seems to go against the grain of the general idea of a "nerd", that is someone who is exceptionately intelligent in many fields, yet possesses significantly hampered social skills. You know what though? I'd much rather be exceptionately smart, and even have to "deal with" wearing glasses, if it means that I get intelligent conversation, avoid talking to those who would waste my time, and on 10-20 years, be really, really rich.
Lets take a look at some of the world's biggest nerds:
Bill Gates:Former CEO of Microsoft. Estimated worth: $56 Billion, US. That's a "B", not an "M".
Steve Jobs: CEO of Apple, CEO of Pixar. Estimated Worth: $4.9 Billion (only because people like Microsoft more).
...
Screw this, lets just take a look at the forbes 400.
| Rank | Name | Net Worth ($bil) | Age | Residence | Source |
| 1 | William Henry Gates III | 53.0 | 50 | Medina, WA | Microsoft |
| 2 | Warren Edward Buffett | 46.0 | 76 | Omaha, NE | Berkshire Hathaway |
| 3 | Sheldon Adelson | 20.5 | 73 | Las Vegas, NV | casinos, hotels |
| 4 | Lawrence Joseph Ellison | 19.5 | 62 | Redwood City, CA | Oracle |
| 5 | Paul Gardner Allen | 16.0 | 53 | Seattle, WA | Microsoft, investments |
| 6 | Jim C Walton | 15.7 | 58 | Bentonville, AR | Wal-Mart |
| 7 | Christy Walton & family | 15.6 | 51 | Jackson, WY | Wal-Mart inheritance |
| 7 | S Robson Walton | 15.6 | 62 | Bentonville, AR | Wal-Mart |
| 9 | Michael Dell | 15.5 | 41 | Austin, TX | Dell |
| 9 | Alice L Walton | 15.5 | 57 | Fort Worth, TX | Wal-Mart |
| 11 | Helen R Walton | 15.3 | 86 | Bentonville, AR | Wal-Mart |
| 12 | Sergey Brin | 14.1 | 33 | Palo Alto, CA | |
| 13 | Larry E Page | 14.0 | 33 | San Francisco, CA | |
| 14 | Jack Crawford Taylor & family | 13.9 | 84 | St Louis, MO | Enterprise Rent-A-Car |
| 15 | Steven Anthony Ballmer | 13.6 | 50 | Bellevue, WA | Microsoft |
| 16 | Abigail Johnson | 13.0 | 44 | Boston, MA | Fidelity |
| 17 | Barbara Cox Anthony | 12.6 | 83 | Honolulu, HI | Cox Enterprises |
| 17 | Anne Cox Chambers | 12.6 | 86 | Atlanta, GA | Cox Enterprises |
| 19 | Charles De Ganahl Koch | 12.0 | 70 | Wichita, KS | oil, commodities |
| 19 | David Hamilton Koch | 12.0 | 66 | New York, NY | oil, commodities |
| 21 | Forrest Edward Mars Jr | 10.5 | 75 | McLean, VA | candy |
| 21 | Jacqueline Mars | 10.5 | 67 | Bedminster, NJ | candy |
| 21 | John Franklyn Mars | 10.5 | 70 | Arlington, VA | candy |
| 24 | Carl Icahn | 9.7 | 70 | New York, NY | leveraged buyouts |
| 25 | John Werner Kluge | 9.1 | 92 | Palm Beach, FL | Metromedia |
People still seem to have an unneccessary problem with nerds though. Maybe they're freaked out by their "lack of social skills" (sorry, but I don't think this one is always true, just look at anyone in "the nerd class" at BSC. Most of them are perfectly fine to talk to), their success, their appearence... Who knows. The point is, MSN should NOT call that emoticon the "Nerd Smile".
It should be "Smile with Glasses" at most, I'd settle for "Glasses" though. UNFAIR PROFILING, MSN! Why on earth don't they deliever a "black smile" Emoticon next? I'm sure all the black people that use MSN are just shitting themselves that they have to appear yellow, just like all us nerds were complaining about a lack of glasses-ridden smile to show off with. They'd never add a "black smile" because it's racist. What's the difference? It's still discrimination.
Ben
DIRTY DEEDS! Done Dirt Cheap!
Kay... You wants some Dirty Deeds... Yeah
You want some Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap! Okay...
If you're havin' trouble with your high school head
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna graduate but not in his bed
Here's what you gotta do -
Pick up the phone
I'm always home
Call me any time
Just ring
36 24 36 hey
I lead a life of crime
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
You got problems in your life of love
You got a broken heart
(She's) He's double dealin' with your best friend
That's when the teardrops start - fella
Pick up the phone
I'm here alone
Or make a social call
Come right in
Forget about him
We'll have ourselves a ball
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
If you got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts -
Pick up the phone
Leave her alone
It's time you made a stand
For a fee
I'm happy to be
Your back door man
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT
Done Dirt Cheap
Neckties, contracts, high voltage
Done Dirt Cheap
As you can see, I like ACDC. Very much so.
Ben
You want some Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap! Okay...
If you're havin' trouble with your high school head
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna graduate but not in his bed
Here's what you gotta do -
Pick up the phone
I'm always home
Call me any time
Just ring
36 24 36 hey
I lead a life of crime
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
You got problems in your life of love
You got a broken heart
(She's) He's double dealin' with your best friend
That's when the teardrops start - fella
Pick up the phone
I'm here alone
Or make a social call
Come right in
Forget about him
We'll have ourselves a ball
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
If you got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts -
Pick up the phone
Leave her alone
It's time you made a stand
For a fee
I'm happy to be
Your back door man
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT
Done Dirt Cheap
Neckties, contracts, high voltage
Done Dirt Cheap
As you can see, I like ACDC. Very much so.
Ben
Whoops
Completely ignore that last post. I had a stupid idea at 2am, and now I've decided not to go through with it. If anyone saw it, sorry. It was all just gonna be a stupid joke.
Ben
Ben
Too much sadness...
Recent events have forced me to change my outlook on life. You may have noticed some changes here, this is what we will call normal. I have removed the archive from this diary of woe, since the memories of days long since passed are too painful to bear. The layout has changed significantly to reflect my inner turmoil. I don't expect you to understand, I have difficulty understanding it myself. You might (if you're paying me the attention I deserve) notice other changes in the coming weeks, just treat it as you normally would, nothing's wrong.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Sergeant Star
Not a Master Sergeant, it would seem, for I have bested him in a battle of wits.
Looking into the crowd, I hear the question "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Well. The United States Army has obviously taken a lot of shit-flinging because of it's involvement in the Iraq war. As such, they've created a "chat system" with Sergeant Star. So, I decided to interview the Sergeant, see what he had to offer me.
Ben
Looking into the crowd, I hear the question "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Well. The United States Army has obviously taken a lot of shit-flinging because of it's involvement in the Iraq war. As such, they've created a "chat system" with Sergeant Star. So, I decided to interview the Sergeant, see what he had to offer me.
SGT STAR: Welcome Monkeyman. How can I help you today?
MonkeyMan: How many people were in your first barracks?
SGT STAR: Single Soldiers live in barracks - a dormitory like setting. Depending on where you are assigned, you may be assigned a roommate, but men and women are not allowed to share rooms. Some single Soldiers are authorized to live off post based on location and command approval
MonkeyMan: Will I be shot at if I join the
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
MonkeyMan: Then why have your troops been in
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
I think you may be looking for more detail than I have. If you would like to discuss this in more detail, click "Ask Live Help
MonkeyMan: When will the
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
MonkeyMan: How long will the occupation of
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
I think you may be looking for more detail than I have. If you would like to discuss this in more detail, click "Ask Live Help".
MonkeyMan: Stop telling me about deployment and answer the question.
SGT STAR: After a lot of training by some of the best Soldiers, I know a great deal about the Army and Soldier life. I would be happy to answer your questions about becoming a Soldier.
MonkeyMan: Why is the
SGT STAR: I can only tell you about the Army, which is the largest and oldest of all the branches of service. It's self-contained, well-equipped and can be deployed anywhere in the world. As the largest branch, the Army offers the most competitive enlistment options, incentives and guarantees.
MonkeyMan: Conscientious Objector
SGT STAR: All Soldiers are required to learn marksmanship, hand-to-hand combat and other tactics related to combat. Soldiers depend on each other during combat operations. If you are not willing to use your training, then perhaps the Army is not for you.
MonkeyMan: Is the
SGT STAR: Good question. I'm not sure how to answer that. Please try rewording your question. I understand simple questions best.
MonkeyMan: Are you sorry for defoliating
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: Is the
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: You just automatically respond with that whenever I say "Sorry", don't you.
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: sorry
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: What is the chain of command in the
SGT STAR: Here are some jobs in that category that might be of interest to you.
MonkeyMan: Who is your commanding officer?
SGT STAR: Displayed is a list of U.S. Army Ranks and Insignias
MonkeyMan: How do I get promoted in the army?
SGT STAR: Once you decide to join the Army, your success depends on your qualifications, desire, commitment and demonstrated leadership potential.
MonkeyMan: I'm disappointed at the way this chat is going; I was hoping you could answer my questions about the current wars your army is involved with.
SGT STAR: After a lot of training by some of the best Soldiers, I know a great deal about the Army and Soldier life. I would be happy to answer your questions about becoming a Soldier.
MonkeyMan: Don't dodge the question
SGT STAR: Good. What can I answer for you about the army?
MonkeyMan: Why are your troops still in
SGT STAR: Unfortunately, some Soldiers do die during combat. The possibility of death exists in every profession. In the event that a Soldier dies, the Army provides compensation for the family.
MonkeyMan: Well, Sergeant, thank you for your time.
SGT STAR: You're welcome.
MonkeyMan: I win, haha.
Ben
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
For every post I make, 5 porn stars get laid.
I'm not kidding. For every "normal" page, there's 5 pornography pages on the internet. That means that there's approximately 900 porn pages out there because of me. What does this say about the state of the internet. When people are more interested in getting their rocks off, flying solo, or "spanking the monkey" than using the internet as it was originally intended... as a means of selling other people's ideas, it's a sad day. Even if it is new years day.
Technically, it's NOT New Years anymore, as it's 2:18am on the 2nd, and I was meant to be asleep by now. Oopsy. I've been talking to Josh for the past 3 hours though, so it's all good. He's been playing his guitar, screwing around with the amps on his computer to try and recreate "Beezleboss (the final showdown) from The Pick of Destiny, Tenacious D's new movie. Coming soon, to a cinema near me. Oh, and you can be sure that I'll be in said cinema, on said day that it comes out. Hehe.
I had a very productive New Years day, as I did absolutely nothing of value, yet had a ball not doing it. Fun was had, you can be sure of that. I'm called back to that quote, "don't make comics about not know what to make comics about." I actually meant to write way more last post about people staring at me funnily, so I will. Consider this a continuation of last post. From now, at the end of this sentence. Period.
It's disconcerting, having people staring at you. Trust me, I know. I'm still trying to decide what's worse, those who do it covertly, maybe looking out of the corner of their eyes, or those who call all their friends over, yelling "look, guys, look, it's Harry Potter!" Little kids do it. People I'm supposed to respect do it. I was at school, end of year, probably my last day of year 10, I hold the door of the library open for a teacher. He looks at me, and says "thank you, Harry Potter!" HAHAHAHA. Funny. Well done, sir, you've noticed what everyone else in the world has, that I have dark hair and glasses. Funnily enough, Harry Potter has jet black hair, and circular glasses, not brown hair and oval glasses. Of course, if all these people had read the books, and made the assumption that I look like Harry from reading the books, then they'd know he has jet black hair. Instead, they've seen Daniel Radcliffe take Mr Potter to the big screen, and make their inferences based on popular culture, not literary masterwork. Bah.
Anyway, I digress. Being looked at. So I'm wearing a dark jacket, and a supposedly "emo" hat. So what? It doesn't mean I'm going to leap out of my seat and stab you in front of all these witnesses on the tram, yeesh. I'll just whip out my wand and curse you. (NOTE THE SUBTLE IRONY). Michael Moore said it best when he said that people are deathly afraid of black people for no good reason. Of course people are afraid, we (we as a collective skin-colour-group, not me personally) have been oppressing these people for millennia because they're a different colour to "us" (again, us being white people). White people, especially rich, white Americans are scared shitless that some black bogeyman is going to come and eat their children. That's why they build gated communities, to keep people out. They have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No black person has ever hurt you, if you think about it. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been white. Just consider that. In short, black people are scapegoats.
Now, back to me. Just because I'm wearing full black, does not mean I'm going to come and eat your children. That's why you send me to school, with gates all around, to keep me in. Yet they have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No emo person, no goth person, no creatively yet stylishly dressed person has ever hurt you. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been in the same clique bracket as you (I'm simplifying, but almost). Just consider that. In short, emo people, goth people, stylishly dressed people are scapegoats.
So, yeah. Go ahead and stare at me, because if you do, I might get SO provoked that I leap out of my seat and scream at you "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!" and then I'd be in the wrong. I'd be the aggressive white teenager who's assaulted another mild mannered grandmother. No matter if the grandmother was pointing and laughing at me, no, because I decided to dress differently to other people, and that makes YOU nervous. Admit it. People like people who act like them, so it follows that people don't like people who don't act like them. True? They say opposites attract. I say (under my breath, lest I get shit kicked out of me by romance novelists) bullshit. I say, you only like people with similar interests and habits to yourself. Find a friend you have nothing in common with, and you've just lost a friend. Show me a healthy relationship where the two participants have nothing in common, and I'll eat a family sized pizza with the lot.
Hope that was as good as looking at 5 porn pages.
Ben
Technically, it's NOT New Years anymore, as it's 2:18am on the 2nd, and I was meant to be asleep by now. Oopsy. I've been talking to Josh for the past 3 hours though, so it's all good. He's been playing his guitar, screwing around with the amps on his computer to try and recreate "Beezleboss (the final showdown) from The Pick of Destiny, Tenacious D's new movie. Coming soon, to a cinema near me. Oh, and you can be sure that I'll be in said cinema, on said day that it comes out. Hehe.
I had a very productive New Years day, as I did absolutely nothing of value, yet had a ball not doing it. Fun was had, you can be sure of that. I'm called back to that quote, "don't make comics about not know what to make comics about." I actually meant to write way more last post about people staring at me funnily, so I will. Consider this a continuation of last post. From now, at the end of this sentence. Period.
It's disconcerting, having people staring at you. Trust me, I know. I'm still trying to decide what's worse, those who do it covertly, maybe looking out of the corner of their eyes, or those who call all their friends over, yelling "look, guys, look, it's Harry Potter!" Little kids do it. People I'm supposed to respect do it. I was at school, end of year, probably my last day of year 10, I hold the door of the library open for a teacher. He looks at me, and says "thank you, Harry Potter!" HAHAHAHA. Funny. Well done, sir, you've noticed what everyone else in the world has, that I have dark hair and glasses. Funnily enough, Harry Potter has jet black hair, and circular glasses, not brown hair and oval glasses. Of course, if all these people had read the books, and made the assumption that I look like Harry from reading the books, then they'd know he has jet black hair. Instead, they've seen Daniel Radcliffe take Mr Potter to the big screen, and make their inferences based on popular culture, not literary masterwork. Bah.
Anyway, I digress. Being looked at. So I'm wearing a dark jacket, and a supposedly "emo" hat. So what? It doesn't mean I'm going to leap out of my seat and stab you in front of all these witnesses on the tram, yeesh. I'll just whip out my wand and curse you. (NOTE THE SUBTLE IRONY). Michael Moore said it best when he said that people are deathly afraid of black people for no good reason. Of course people are afraid, we (we as a collective skin-colour-group, not me personally) have been oppressing these people for millennia because they're a different colour to "us" (again, us being white people). White people, especially rich, white Americans are scared shitless that some black bogeyman is going to come and eat their children. That's why they build gated communities, to keep people out. They have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No black person has ever hurt you, if you think about it. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been white. Just consider that. In short, black people are scapegoats.
Now, back to me. Just because I'm wearing full black, does not mean I'm going to come and eat your children. That's why you send me to school, with gates all around, to keep me in. Yet they have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No emo person, no goth person, no creatively yet stylishly dressed person has ever hurt you. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been in the same clique bracket as you (I'm simplifying, but almost). Just consider that. In short, emo people, goth people, stylishly dressed people are scapegoats.
So, yeah. Go ahead and stare at me, because if you do, I might get SO provoked that I leap out of my seat and scream at you "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!" and then I'd be in the wrong. I'd be the aggressive white teenager who's assaulted another mild mannered grandmother. No matter if the grandmother was pointing and laughing at me, no, because I decided to dress differently to other people, and that makes YOU nervous. Admit it. People like people who act like them, so it follows that people don't like people who don't act like them. True? They say opposites attract. I say (under my breath, lest I get shit kicked out of me by romance novelists) bullshit. I say, you only like people with similar interests and habits to yourself. Find a friend you have nothing in common with, and you've just lost a friend. Show me a healthy relationship where the two participants have nothing in common, and I'll eat a family sized pizza with the lot.
Hope that was as good as looking at 5 porn pages.
Ben
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