"...and to our top story tonight, we bring you a live update on the scene in Ben's body. We're up to day five, and we've sent Ben Smith down, to take a look..."
Investigative reporter Ben Smith here, live on the scene as Ben begins another lame attempt at reviving his dead, decrepit blog!
As it stands, this is his first post all month, and his first post in almost as long...
With no end in sight to this slump, we can only pray that he gets the spark of inspiration he once had back, rather than just posting crappy quotes from Bill Hicks and Dr Hibbert.
"What is the atmosphere like down at the Canvas, Ben?"
Well Ben, Ben has started talking to himself, not only in 3rd person, but 2nd person as well. This situation looks grim, as this once proud, noble, extremely intelligent person starts exhibiting the first signs of madness.
"Ben, can you tell us exactly what is wrong with Ben?"
Ben, I'll be blunt with you. He's got some kind of flu-virus, which has taken a number of his white blood cells hostage. In the early days of the illness, he's had a high fever, and while it appeared to have diminished yesterday, it's back in full force today. We've got an artists impression of the scene coming through for you shortly.
"We're all eagerly awaiting that, Ben. Can you give us some general statistics about the virus and Ben's symptoms?"
Well Ben, we don't know much, but after going through his washing we've found that he's gone through 5 hankerchiefs, had 3 nosebleeds and 3 "scares"
"Scares?"
He's wiped his nose 3 times, seen blood, and freaked out.
"Ah."
You asked.
"How's that artist's impression coming along?"
Ben, he's just put the finishing touches on it. Here, enjoy:
"Ben, I don't quite understand what I'm seeing."
Well Ben, the large purple blob is the virus, the grey slab is the barricade he's erected, the white circles are the kidnapped white blood cells, the teal blobs with the red hats are the police-nerves protecting the teal blobs in black hats, the citizen-nerves, from any attacks the virus may send.
"Thank you very much, Ben, for your indepth coverage of this breathtaking event, which will mark the future of our lives."
Thanks Ben.
Ladies and gentlemen, we now return you to your normal programming.
Ben
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