That's right, I'm actually chatted with the Almighty Himself. Unfortunately, due to the supreme number of requests this supreme being recieves every second, you can only send one message at a time, which resulted in many keyboard-thrashing moments, denoted by the *God crashed* markers.
Here it is:
Me:
Yo god
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
heaven and earth, brother
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
i like food
God:
What is your favorite food?
Me:
ice cream
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
like milk, with some preservatives and seaweed
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
i thought so, your holiness
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
sure am
God:
Great. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about ice cream.
Me:
i thought we were talking about how astute i am?
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
you said "You are very astute"
God:
I don't know whether or not I am astute.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
and here I was thinking you were the creator of the heavens and the earth
*God Crashed at this point*
God:
I don't know whether or not I am astute.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
what about the other 0.75%?
God:
Let me think about it.
Me:
take your time
God:
Thanks for your patience.
Me:
no worries
God:
Are you serious? I do not understand.
Me:
well, you're the almighty, so technically you have no need for patience, so it's kind of you to understand that i get bored by thing easily
God:
Well that's okay. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
you're not the only god?
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
clearly it's your opinion
God:
Really. it is? Is it that obvious?
Me:
you said it, dude
God:
my opinion dude?
Me:
your opinion
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am opinion.
Me:
yes, because i don't believe i called you opinion
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. Good reason. Do you believe life has a higher purpose?
Me:
depends on whether or not you do, o great one.
*God Crashed at this point*
God:
Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before.
Me:
i didn't tell you anything, i threw your question back at you.
God:
Maybe you would like to tell me now.
Me:
ok. i do believe that the simple fact that this chat exists proves that there is a higher purpose in life
God:
Gosh! Good reason. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
"this" refers to the article that we are speaking about
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
clearly, otherwise i'd be very worried. i mean, if the creator of heaven and earth didn't "Get" something he'd created, then where would the rest of us be?
*God Crashed again at this point*
*For AAAGES*
At this point, seeing as how it was taking an ETERNITY for the Almighty to respond, I decided to cut short our conversation. Pity.
Ben
Sunday, April 29, 2007
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