Completely ignore that last post. I had a stupid idea at 2am, and now I've decided not to go through with it. If anyone saw it, sorry. It was all just gonna be a stupid joke.
Ben
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Too much sadness...
Recent events have forced me to change my outlook on life. You may have noticed some changes here, this is what we will call normal. I have removed the archive from this diary of woe, since the memories of days long since passed are too painful to bear. The layout has changed significantly to reflect my inner turmoil. I don't expect you to understand, I have difficulty understanding it myself. You might (if you're paying me the attention I deserve) notice other changes in the coming weeks, just treat it as you normally would, nothing's wrong.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Sergeant Star
Not a Master Sergeant, it would seem, for I have bested him in a battle of wits.
Looking into the crowd, I hear the question "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Well. The United States Army has obviously taken a lot of shit-flinging because of it's involvement in the Iraq war. As such, they've created a "chat system" with Sergeant Star. So, I decided to interview the Sergeant, see what he had to offer me.
Ben
Looking into the crowd, I hear the question "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Well. The United States Army has obviously taken a lot of shit-flinging because of it's involvement in the Iraq war. As such, they've created a "chat system" with Sergeant Star. So, I decided to interview the Sergeant, see what he had to offer me.
SGT STAR: Welcome Monkeyman. How can I help you today?
MonkeyMan: How many people were in your first barracks?
SGT STAR: Single Soldiers live in barracks - a dormitory like setting. Depending on where you are assigned, you may be assigned a roommate, but men and women are not allowed to share rooms. Some single Soldiers are authorized to live off post based on location and command approval
MonkeyMan: Will I be shot at if I join the
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
MonkeyMan: Then why have your troops been in
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
I think you may be looking for more detail than I have. If you would like to discuss this in more detail, click "Ask Live Help
MonkeyMan: When will the
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
MonkeyMan: How long will the occupation of
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.
I think you may be looking for more detail than I have. If you would like to discuss this in more detail, click "Ask Live Help".
MonkeyMan: Stop telling me about deployment and answer the question.
SGT STAR: After a lot of training by some of the best Soldiers, I know a great deal about the Army and Soldier life. I would be happy to answer your questions about becoming a Soldier.
MonkeyMan: Why is the
SGT STAR: I can only tell you about the Army, which is the largest and oldest of all the branches of service. It's self-contained, well-equipped and can be deployed anywhere in the world. As the largest branch, the Army offers the most competitive enlistment options, incentives and guarantees.
MonkeyMan: Conscientious Objector
SGT STAR: All Soldiers are required to learn marksmanship, hand-to-hand combat and other tactics related to combat. Soldiers depend on each other during combat operations. If you are not willing to use your training, then perhaps the Army is not for you.
MonkeyMan: Is the
SGT STAR: Good question. I'm not sure how to answer that. Please try rewording your question. I understand simple questions best.
MonkeyMan: Are you sorry for defoliating
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: Is the
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: You just automatically respond with that whenever I say "Sorry", don't you.
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: sorry
SGT STAR: That's ok, what else can I help you with?
MonkeyMan: What is the chain of command in the
SGT STAR: Here are some jobs in that category that might be of interest to you.
MonkeyMan: Who is your commanding officer?
SGT STAR: Displayed is a list of U.S. Army Ranks and Insignias
MonkeyMan: How do I get promoted in the army?
SGT STAR: Once you decide to join the Army, your success depends on your qualifications, desire, commitment and demonstrated leadership potential.
MonkeyMan: I'm disappointed at the way this chat is going; I was hoping you could answer my questions about the current wars your army is involved with.
SGT STAR: After a lot of training by some of the best Soldiers, I know a great deal about the Army and Soldier life. I would be happy to answer your questions about becoming a Soldier.
MonkeyMan: Don't dodge the question
SGT STAR: Good. What can I answer for you about the army?
MonkeyMan: Why are your troops still in
SGT STAR: Unfortunately, some Soldiers do die during combat. The possibility of death exists in every profession. In the event that a Soldier dies, the Army provides compensation for the family.
MonkeyMan: Well, Sergeant, thank you for your time.
SGT STAR: You're welcome.
MonkeyMan: I win, haha.
Ben
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
For every post I make, 5 porn stars get laid.
I'm not kidding. For every "normal" page, there's 5 pornography pages on the internet. That means that there's approximately 900 porn pages out there because of me. What does this say about the state of the internet. When people are more interested in getting their rocks off, flying solo, or "spanking the monkey" than using the internet as it was originally intended... as a means of selling other people's ideas, it's a sad day. Even if it is new years day.
Technically, it's NOT New Years anymore, as it's 2:18am on the 2nd, and I was meant to be asleep by now. Oopsy. I've been talking to Josh for the past 3 hours though, so it's all good. He's been playing his guitar, screwing around with the amps on his computer to try and recreate "Beezleboss (the final showdown) from The Pick of Destiny, Tenacious D's new movie. Coming soon, to a cinema near me. Oh, and you can be sure that I'll be in said cinema, on said day that it comes out. Hehe.
I had a very productive New Years day, as I did absolutely nothing of value, yet had a ball not doing it. Fun was had, you can be sure of that. I'm called back to that quote, "don't make comics about not know what to make comics about." I actually meant to write way more last post about people staring at me funnily, so I will. Consider this a continuation of last post. From now, at the end of this sentence. Period.
It's disconcerting, having people staring at you. Trust me, I know. I'm still trying to decide what's worse, those who do it covertly, maybe looking out of the corner of their eyes, or those who call all their friends over, yelling "look, guys, look, it's Harry Potter!" Little kids do it. People I'm supposed to respect do it. I was at school, end of year, probably my last day of year 10, I hold the door of the library open for a teacher. He looks at me, and says "thank you, Harry Potter!" HAHAHAHA. Funny. Well done, sir, you've noticed what everyone else in the world has, that I have dark hair and glasses. Funnily enough, Harry Potter has jet black hair, and circular glasses, not brown hair and oval glasses. Of course, if all these people had read the books, and made the assumption that I look like Harry from reading the books, then they'd know he has jet black hair. Instead, they've seen Daniel Radcliffe take Mr Potter to the big screen, and make their inferences based on popular culture, not literary masterwork. Bah.
Anyway, I digress. Being looked at. So I'm wearing a dark jacket, and a supposedly "emo" hat. So what? It doesn't mean I'm going to leap out of my seat and stab you in front of all these witnesses on the tram, yeesh. I'll just whip out my wand and curse you. (NOTE THE SUBTLE IRONY). Michael Moore said it best when he said that people are deathly afraid of black people for no good reason. Of course people are afraid, we (we as a collective skin-colour-group, not me personally) have been oppressing these people for millennia because they're a different colour to "us" (again, us being white people). White people, especially rich, white Americans are scared shitless that some black bogeyman is going to come and eat their children. That's why they build gated communities, to keep people out. They have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No black person has ever hurt you, if you think about it. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been white. Just consider that. In short, black people are scapegoats.
Now, back to me. Just because I'm wearing full black, does not mean I'm going to come and eat your children. That's why you send me to school, with gates all around, to keep me in. Yet they have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No emo person, no goth person, no creatively yet stylishly dressed person has ever hurt you. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been in the same clique bracket as you (I'm simplifying, but almost). Just consider that. In short, emo people, goth people, stylishly dressed people are scapegoats.
So, yeah. Go ahead and stare at me, because if you do, I might get SO provoked that I leap out of my seat and scream at you "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!" and then I'd be in the wrong. I'd be the aggressive white teenager who's assaulted another mild mannered grandmother. No matter if the grandmother was pointing and laughing at me, no, because I decided to dress differently to other people, and that makes YOU nervous. Admit it. People like people who act like them, so it follows that people don't like people who don't act like them. True? They say opposites attract. I say (under my breath, lest I get shit kicked out of me by romance novelists) bullshit. I say, you only like people with similar interests and habits to yourself. Find a friend you have nothing in common with, and you've just lost a friend. Show me a healthy relationship where the two participants have nothing in common, and I'll eat a family sized pizza with the lot.
Hope that was as good as looking at 5 porn pages.
Ben
Technically, it's NOT New Years anymore, as it's 2:18am on the 2nd, and I was meant to be asleep by now. Oopsy. I've been talking to Josh for the past 3 hours though, so it's all good. He's been playing his guitar, screwing around with the amps on his computer to try and recreate "Beezleboss (the final showdown) from The Pick of Destiny, Tenacious D's new movie. Coming soon, to a cinema near me. Oh, and you can be sure that I'll be in said cinema, on said day that it comes out. Hehe.
I had a very productive New Years day, as I did absolutely nothing of value, yet had a ball not doing it. Fun was had, you can be sure of that. I'm called back to that quote, "don't make comics about not know what to make comics about." I actually meant to write way more last post about people staring at me funnily, so I will. Consider this a continuation of last post. From now, at the end of this sentence. Period.
It's disconcerting, having people staring at you. Trust me, I know. I'm still trying to decide what's worse, those who do it covertly, maybe looking out of the corner of their eyes, or those who call all their friends over, yelling "look, guys, look, it's Harry Potter!" Little kids do it. People I'm supposed to respect do it. I was at school, end of year, probably my last day of year 10, I hold the door of the library open for a teacher. He looks at me, and says "thank you, Harry Potter!" HAHAHAHA. Funny. Well done, sir, you've noticed what everyone else in the world has, that I have dark hair and glasses. Funnily enough, Harry Potter has jet black hair, and circular glasses, not brown hair and oval glasses. Of course, if all these people had read the books, and made the assumption that I look like Harry from reading the books, then they'd know he has jet black hair. Instead, they've seen Daniel Radcliffe take Mr Potter to the big screen, and make their inferences based on popular culture, not literary masterwork. Bah.
Anyway, I digress. Being looked at. So I'm wearing a dark jacket, and a supposedly "emo" hat. So what? It doesn't mean I'm going to leap out of my seat and stab you in front of all these witnesses on the tram, yeesh. I'll just whip out my wand and curse you. (NOTE THE SUBTLE IRONY). Michael Moore said it best when he said that people are deathly afraid of black people for no good reason. Of course people are afraid, we (we as a collective skin-colour-group, not me personally) have been oppressing these people for millennia because they're a different colour to "us" (again, us being white people). White people, especially rich, white Americans are scared shitless that some black bogeyman is going to come and eat their children. That's why they build gated communities, to keep people out. They have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No black person has ever hurt you, if you think about it. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been white. Just consider that. In short, black people are scapegoats.
Now, back to me. Just because I'm wearing full black, does not mean I'm going to come and eat your children. That's why you send me to school, with gates all around, to keep me in. Yet they have no reason to be so damn paranoid. No emo person, no goth person, no creatively yet stylishly dressed person has ever hurt you. Every person who has ever hurt you, in your entire life, has been in the same clique bracket as you (I'm simplifying, but almost). Just consider that. In short, emo people, goth people, stylishly dressed people are scapegoats.
So, yeah. Go ahead and stare at me, because if you do, I might get SO provoked that I leap out of my seat and scream at you "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!" and then I'd be in the wrong. I'd be the aggressive white teenager who's assaulted another mild mannered grandmother. No matter if the grandmother was pointing and laughing at me, no, because I decided to dress differently to other people, and that makes YOU nervous. Admit it. People like people who act like them, so it follows that people don't like people who don't act like them. True? They say opposites attract. I say (under my breath, lest I get shit kicked out of me by romance novelists) bullshit. I say, you only like people with similar interests and habits to yourself. Find a friend you have nothing in common with, and you've just lost a friend. Show me a healthy relationship where the two participants have nothing in common, and I'll eat a family sized pizza with the lot.
Hope that was as good as looking at 5 porn pages.
Ben
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Longest 8 minutes and 35 seconds of my life.
Still counting, too. That's right, my download still hasn't finished. After running solidly for 3 days, it's reached the glorious heights of 99.5%. For the 4th time today. It'll go up to about 99.8%, sit there for a couple of minutes, mocking me, then plummet down to 99.2% for a while. It's an hourly cycle. I say "longest 8 minutes and 35 seconds of my life" because that's what the ETA was when I started writing. It's been varying between 50 seconds and an hour all day. :(
Apart from my download woes, I haven't done much today. Although, I do have one thing to talk about. When in Italy, I purchased a pretty damn awesome leather, 3/4 coat.
Similar to this doohicky, except blacker, and longer.
Also, I recieved a Hat, a very nice hat, for Christmas (Yes, this is going somewhere).
It looks like this.
So, when combined, the "Homburg" hat, and the 3/4 Leather coat make me look... I don't quite know how to describe it.
The point is, when I've been on a tram, wearing this (quite stylish, in my opinion) getup, people stare at me, point at me, clutch their babies closer to them, move away from me... I think it's funny, actually, since I'm such a nice person normally... If I was wearing a shirt that said "People rule" or some such, they wouldn't be shying away...
Hehe.
Just something that I've been thinking about for a while. Make of it what you will.
No, I don't think it's an emo hat. Shut up, peter.
Ben
Apart from my download woes, I haven't done much today. Although, I do have one thing to talk about. When in Italy, I purchased a pretty damn awesome leather, 3/4 coat.
Similar to this doohicky, except blacker, and longer.
Also, I recieved a Hat, a very nice hat, for Christmas (Yes, this is going somewhere).
It looks like this.
So, when combined, the "Homburg" hat, and the 3/4 Leather coat make me look... I don't quite know how to describe it.
The point is, when I've been on a tram, wearing this (quite stylish, in my opinion) getup, people stare at me, point at me, clutch their babies closer to them, move away from me... I think it's funny, actually, since I'm such a nice person normally... If I was wearing a shirt that said "People rule" or some such, they wouldn't be shying away...
Hehe.
Just something that I've been thinking about for a while. Make of it what you will.
No, I don't think it's an emo hat. Shut up, peter.
Ben
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Some people take obsession to a whole new, scary level
I was looking for an air raid siren sound, for clandestine reasons that shall remain my own, and came across this page. Yeah, it filled my need for a sired, it filled it 100 times over. Whoever made this site needs to get laid, badly. Fast. When your website contains lists of 1-2 minute long air raid sirens, including the different makes, then they have a serious problem. I know it's ok to get passionate about things, I do myself, sometimes. I'm more of a dabbler. A bit here, a bit there, not throwing myself into anything that'll consume my life like this dude obviously has. Looking through the site, we find the "About Adam" page, and, surprise surprise, he's a (insert synonym for geek here). He's also a programmer. Mothers, lock up your daughters.
Moving on, Christmas! My Christmas, while devoid of the usual electronic devices that normally fill my "Santa Stocking" (pillowcase, more like), was still pretty damn good. I got 3 t-shirts, craploads of books, $50... and some magnets. Oh, and a hat! Oh, what an awesome hat it was, too. It goes so well with all the various clothing accessories I bought in Italy (jacket and necklace). I better stop hogging the internet, I've been trying to get some more music for the past 2-3 days, and it's just hit 67.8%. Well, not so much hit, as slowly, agonisingly slowly slid into 67.8% at 4.6 kbps. Woo.
Ben
Moving on, Christmas! My Christmas, while devoid of the usual electronic devices that normally fill my "Santa Stocking" (pillowcase, more like), was still pretty damn good. I got 3 t-shirts, craploads of books, $50... and some magnets. Oh, and a hat! Oh, what an awesome hat it was, too. It goes so well with all the various clothing accessories I bought in Italy (jacket and necklace). I better stop hogging the internet, I've been trying to get some more music for the past 2-3 days, and it's just hit 67.8%. Well, not so much hit, as slowly, agonisingly slowly slid into 67.8% at 4.6 kbps. Woo.
Ben
Friday, December 22, 2006
Supreme Lack of Motivation, AKA Purge Writing: Part 1
That's what has caused me to procrastinate for so long about this.
Dot Dot Dot.
I have no idea what to write. So, for the next as long as I can humorously keep this going, I'm going to ramble about whatever I want.
Just hit midnight. GO!
I read somewhere, and I think it can be paraphrased to apply here, that "good cartoonists never make comics about not knowing what to write about." So, obviously, "good bloggers (hate that word) never post about not knowing what to write about." Sometimes, though, that's necessary. If I don't ramble for a while, trying to make it humorous at the same time, then my poor unfortunate friends will have to listen to all these bad jokes and ramblings, rather than reading them at their own discretion. After an intercontinental flight, though, I found my mind surprisingly absent after a massive journey such as that. I couldn't think of what to say. So, that's why I've procrastinated for so long about writing about Italy. That's my story, I'm sticking to it.
Since I'm here anyway, I might as well say something about Italy. Here's a transcript of what I had to say over MSN to one of my friends:
Enlightening? I sure hope so. Seriously though, there were mosquitoes everywhere in Venice. It was most not cool at the level of bites I received. I got one on my knuckle(!), several on my wrists and hands... Jimmy got one on his eyelid, he couldn't open it properly. Haha! That'll learn you for not shutting the fuck up about Asia's supremacy. Here's a quote:
"Asia shall rule! For the Emperor! Asia's enemies shall burn! Pride for myself and Honour for my future!" ~Jimmy Le, biggest moron in Italy from 26Th November to 11Th December.
Moving on... I got the most awesome coat ever in Florence. It's a 3/4 leather coat, and damn does it look good. Many people have commented on it's Matrix-ness. Running around Venice in it, jump down stairs and running up them, that was probably one of the highlights of the trip. Speaking of clothes, on the back of a bus in Rome I saw this logo:
This is the logo of "A-Style", as if you couldn't guess, which is a reputable clothing manufacturer in Italy. This picture prompted one of the other students on the trip to devise other "styles" for the remaining 25 letters. This resulted in some very funny reactions from Jimmy, who despite being best friends with Matthew Cameron has still managed to keep his mind "free from taint" as he so eloquently put it. I'm not saying it's weird that he knew barely anything about "the other S word" before he got on that plane, but I am saying that the way he reacted to the slightest connotation-filled sentence is über weird. Any questions so far? 18 minutes in, no questions? Good. I'll keep going.
Oh yeah, that coat. It was originally €345, but, and the salesdude started the hagglewar at €250, but Ms Costabile managed to bargain him down to €160.
160 Euro = 269.19 Australian dollars
250 Euro = 420.61 Australian dollars
345 Euro = 580.45 Australian dollars
So, I think I did pretty damn well to get it for less than 1/2 price. Damn frigging straight I did, and that's not to mention just how freaking awesome this jacket looks. Jacket/coat, whatever. My poor old "roadkill" leather jacket was feeling pretty damn let down after I came back to the hotel room wearing this Matrix-esque beauty. That'll learn the jacket for making me spill Gelati on it (it smelt like milk for a while). GELATI! The ice cream in Italy is SO MUCH BETTER than that in Australia. Even better than that fancy "French vanilla", better than ANY ice cream in Australia. It kicks it's ass, A-style. That's just how good this gelati was. It was like... a party in my mouth, and everybody's getting laid, and then wins Tattslotto, buys a massive beach-mansion in Spain, makes a TV-Movie of their lives and lives of the royalties for the rest of their scientifically extended lives. That's just HOW FREAKING GOOD this gelati was.
Any questions so far? No? Good.
By the way, the best Gelati was in Sorrento, a little sea-side city we visited as a "home base" between visits to Pompei and Mount Vesuvius. That's right, I climbed an active volcano. Can you stick that on a résumé? Sure hope so. Not only did I climb the freaking volcano, I bought an awesome necklace there, made out of ash from the volcano. Plus, I sprinted down.
Milan. Milan was a hole, really. We were in a hotel 10k out of the city, so we had to go on an hour long bus ride to get in there. Our bus driver didn't know his way around, and the teachers still made us "tip" him €2. I guess that's fair, €42 for two and a half weeks. Well, some people did use the toilet, which wasn't plugged in, so maybe it wasn't fair enough. Nevertheless, if I hire the services of a bus driver, I at least expect him to know where the fuck he's going.
Hm. Ok, Milan wasn't a hole. Milan was beautiful, just like everything else in Italy, except the bus driver, there was this massive covered street, no cars, just shops everywhere. I can't remember what it's called, oh yeah. The Galleria. Proper name: The Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. Double arcade, that's a good description.
That's a picture of the outside, with a Triumphal arch on the outside. There's one of those on all four entrances, and in the middle there's a big dome (duomo) with pictures of various influential countries/continents at the time (Britain, America, Africa, India). Plus, they had a McDonald's in there! Now that I think about it, McDonald's was fucking expensive over there. €4.90 for two large chips and a cone. That's €2.10 each for the chips, and €0.70 for the cone. Way too expensive. Damn it tasted good, though.
Rome. Funny that it's the last place I'm talking about, but the first one we visited. Oh well. Our hotel was a hole, but funnily the room in the hotel was the best one we had all trip 0.o It had a TV, and many power points for iPod charging. Since my iPod had the most amount of information on it (1124 songs, compared to 38, 112 and 225 for Jimmy, Adam and Matt, respectively) it was being used by other people a hell of a lot. By the way, if someone has a "stuff" folder in their iPod pictures, don't go into it. Just don't.
We saw a lot of interesting stuff in Italy, and a lot of it was made less than interesting by cruddy tour guides. The guy we had in Rome was perfect, he was funny, engaging, and he made paying attention worthwhile. Every other tour guide after that made us suffer from an acute case of Narcolepsy. I would have preferred the "audio guide" that every joint seemed to offer. Yes, we saw the Sistine chapel. It was kinda crummy, there were a bunch of guys in uniform on a platform telling people to shut up, stop taking pictures, etc. So, I have no pictures of the Sistine chapel. Oh well. We even saw John Paul the second's tomb. There were people everywhere at that one, which happened to be underground in the catacombs.
Hehe, just writing all these events remember how much fun I had, and that's what's important, huh? Even if some crazy old cat-lady at a church told me to stop eating chips, and you'll get smart. For I was eating the second of my two packs of €4 Pringles. She was a sneaky old lady, too, because she told me in Italian, so there was me, nodding like an idiot, assuming it was advice, rather than criticism. Ms Hosseini started laughing, and after the cat-lady shuffled off, she told me what the old lady had said. To top it all off, the cat-lady kissed me before she shuffled off. Gew. Adam later pointed out "you were nodding like an idiot to what she was saying, but you kept eating the Pringles." Thanks Adam. Any questions? I hear "what €4 packs of Pringles?" Well, in the first piazza we came to, I saw a cart that advertised gelati, among other things, so I went over to investigate. Immediately, I saw the Pringles, forgetting any thoughts of gelati. Of course, this was before I'd actually tasted any Italian gelati. I said "how much" to the dude, completely forgetting that I was in Italy, he said "eeeeeeiight." He obviously knew I was a tourist. So, I paid my €8 for the two tubes, realising about 2 minutes later that I got jacked. So, we went across the road to Illy's, which is apparently popular in Italy too, and got Gelati. They actually gave us the gelati, and told us to go round to the cash register and pay. Interestingly, the gelati bar was outside the shop, 10 meters or so away from the entrance. We could take the gelati and run, and they'd never know. Hehe. Oh, after checking Wikipedia, Illy is a famous Italian coffee company. Learn something new every day.
I guess that about wraps it up for this one, if you guys have any questions, or want me to tell any more stories, because there are probably more, yes, definitely, just say so. Trust me, they're worth it. God damn, I'm proud of myself, I wrote solidly for an 57 minutes on this topic, interspersed with searches for those pictures, and a debate about bedtime with mum, but oh well. Now, let's spell-check this fucker, and head to bed. One hour's solid work. I should spend this much time on every post.
Ben
P.S: 1716 words! I rule!
Dot Dot Dot.
I have no idea what to write. So, for the next as long as I can humorously keep this going, I'm going to ramble about whatever I want.
Just hit midnight. GO!
I read somewhere, and I think it can be paraphrased to apply here, that "good cartoonists never make comics about not knowing what to write about." So, obviously, "good bloggers (hate that word) never post about not knowing what to write about." Sometimes, though, that's necessary. If I don't ramble for a while, trying to make it humorous at the same time, then my poor unfortunate friends will have to listen to all these bad jokes and ramblings, rather than reading them at their own discretion. After an intercontinental flight, though, I found my mind surprisingly absent after a massive journey such as that. I couldn't think of what to say. So, that's why I've procrastinated for so long about writing about Italy. That's my story, I'm sticking to it.
Since I'm here anyway, I might as well say something about Italy. Here's a transcript of what I had to say over MSN to one of my friends:
| 8:42 PM) Ben: | uh, italy.. well, i'd say the best city was venice |
|---|---|
| (8:42 PM) Ben: | except the mozzies |
| (8:42 PM) Ben: | it was so beautiful, and so much fun just running around the joint |
| (8:43 PM) Ben: | there were pidgeons everywhere, and people selling birdseed (so stupid people threw birdseed at other people) |
| (8:43 PM) Ben: | and we went on a gondola! oh, it was awesome! |
|---|
"Asia shall rule! For the Emperor! Asia's enemies shall burn! Pride for myself and Honour for my future!" ~Jimmy Le, biggest moron in Italy from 26Th November to 11Th December.
Moving on... I got the most awesome coat ever in Florence. It's a 3/4 leather coat, and damn does it look good. Many people have commented on it's Matrix-ness. Running around Venice in it, jump down stairs and running up them, that was probably one of the highlights of the trip. Speaking of clothes, on the back of a bus in Rome I saw this logo:
This is the logo of "A-Style", as if you couldn't guess, which is a reputable clothing manufacturer in Italy. This picture prompted one of the other students on the trip to devise other "styles" for the remaining 25 letters. This resulted in some very funny reactions from Jimmy, who despite being best friends with Matthew Cameron has still managed to keep his mind "free from taint" as he so eloquently put it. I'm not saying it's weird that he knew barely anything about "the other S word" before he got on that plane, but I am saying that the way he reacted to the slightest connotation-filled sentence is über weird. Any questions so far? 18 minutes in, no questions? Good. I'll keep going.
Oh yeah, that coat. It was originally €345, but, and the salesdude started the hagglewar at €250, but Ms Costabile managed to bargain him down to €160.
160 Euro = 269.19 Australian dollars
250 Euro = 420.61 Australian dollars
345 Euro = 580.45 Australian dollars
So, I think I did pretty damn well to get it for less than 1/2 price. Damn frigging straight I did, and that's not to mention just how freaking awesome this jacket looks. Jacket/coat, whatever. My poor old "roadkill" leather jacket was feeling pretty damn let down after I came back to the hotel room wearing this Matrix-esque beauty. That'll learn the jacket for making me spill Gelati on it (it smelt like milk for a while). GELATI! The ice cream in Italy is SO MUCH BETTER than that in Australia. Even better than that fancy "French vanilla", better than ANY ice cream in Australia. It kicks it's ass, A-style. That's just how good this gelati was. It was like... a party in my mouth, and everybody's getting laid, and then wins Tattslotto, buys a massive beach-mansion in Spain, makes a TV-Movie of their lives and lives of the royalties for the rest of their scientifically extended lives. That's just HOW FREAKING GOOD this gelati was.
Any questions so far? No? Good.
By the way, the best Gelati was in Sorrento, a little sea-side city we visited as a "home base" between visits to Pompei and Mount Vesuvius. That's right, I climbed an active volcano. Can you stick that on a résumé? Sure hope so. Not only did I climb the freaking volcano, I bought an awesome necklace there, made out of ash from the volcano. Plus, I sprinted down.
Milan. Milan was a hole, really. We were in a hotel 10k out of the city, so we had to go on an hour long bus ride to get in there. Our bus driver didn't know his way around, and the teachers still made us "tip" him €2. I guess that's fair, €42 for two and a half weeks. Well, some people did use the toilet, which wasn't plugged in, so maybe it wasn't fair enough. Nevertheless, if I hire the services of a bus driver, I at least expect him to know where the fuck he's going.
Hm. Ok, Milan wasn't a hole. Milan was beautiful, just like everything else in Italy, except the bus driver, there was this massive covered street, no cars, just shops everywhere. I can't remember what it's called, oh yeah. The Galleria. Proper name: The Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. Double arcade, that's a good description.
That's a picture of the outside, with a Triumphal arch on the outside. There's one of those on all four entrances, and in the middle there's a big dome (duomo) with pictures of various influential countries/continents at the time (Britain, America, Africa, India). Plus, they had a McDonald's in there! Now that I think about it, McDonald's was fucking expensive over there. €4.90 for two large chips and a cone. That's €2.10 each for the chips, and €0.70 for the cone. Way too expensive. Damn it tasted good, though.
Rome. Funny that it's the last place I'm talking about, but the first one we visited. Oh well. Our hotel was a hole, but funnily the room in the hotel was the best one we had all trip 0.o It had a TV, and many power points for iPod charging. Since my iPod had the most amount of information on it (1124 songs, compared to 38, 112 and 225 for Jimmy, Adam and Matt, respectively) it was being used by other people a hell of a lot. By the way, if someone has a "stuff" folder in their iPod pictures, don't go into it. Just don't.
We saw a lot of interesting stuff in Italy, and a lot of it was made less than interesting by cruddy tour guides. The guy we had in Rome was perfect, he was funny, engaging, and he made paying attention worthwhile. Every other tour guide after that made us suffer from an acute case of Narcolepsy. I would have preferred the "audio guide" that every joint seemed to offer. Yes, we saw the Sistine chapel. It was kinda crummy, there were a bunch of guys in uniform on a platform telling people to shut up, stop taking pictures, etc. So, I have no pictures of the Sistine chapel. Oh well. We even saw John Paul the second's tomb. There were people everywhere at that one, which happened to be underground in the catacombs.
Hehe, just writing all these events remember how much fun I had, and that's what's important, huh? Even if some crazy old cat-lady at a church told me to stop eating chips, and you'll get smart. For I was eating the second of my two packs of €4 Pringles. She was a sneaky old lady, too, because she told me in Italian, so there was me, nodding like an idiot, assuming it was advice, rather than criticism. Ms Hosseini started laughing, and after the cat-lady shuffled off, she told me what the old lady had said. To top it all off, the cat-lady kissed me before she shuffled off. Gew. Adam later pointed out "you were nodding like an idiot to what she was saying, but you kept eating the Pringles." Thanks Adam. Any questions? I hear "what €4 packs of Pringles?" Well, in the first piazza we came to, I saw a cart that advertised gelati, among other things, so I went over to investigate. Immediately, I saw the Pringles, forgetting any thoughts of gelati. Of course, this was before I'd actually tasted any Italian gelati. I said "how much" to the dude, completely forgetting that I was in Italy, he said "eeeeeeiight." He obviously knew I was a tourist. So, I paid my €8 for the two tubes, realising about 2 minutes later that I got jacked. So, we went across the road to Illy's, which is apparently popular in Italy too, and got Gelati. They actually gave us the gelati, and told us to go round to the cash register and pay. Interestingly, the gelati bar was outside the shop, 10 meters or so away from the entrance. We could take the gelati and run, and they'd never know. Hehe. Oh, after checking Wikipedia, Illy is a famous Italian coffee company. Learn something new every day.
I guess that about wraps it up for this one, if you guys have any questions, or want me to tell any more stories, because there are probably more, yes, definitely, just say so. Trust me, they're worth it. God damn, I'm proud of myself, I wrote solidly for an 57 minutes on this topic, interspersed with searches for those pictures, and a debate about bedtime with mum, but oh well. Now, let's spell-check this fucker, and head to bed. One hour's solid work. I should spend this much time on every post.
Ben
P.S: 1716 words! I rule!
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