How on earth can you resist a statement like that? It naturally incites interest. No fair, emo.
So after glaring at them once more, I stuffed the box in my bag without really looking at it, then got off 6 stops early and waited for the next one. While I waited, I opened the box. *wham* Instantly I was hit with the stench of death.
"Oh god," I thought, "an Emo recruitment package."
I picked up the brochure on top.
The following information is what was inside the brochure:
"Do you find that people don't understand you? That life is hard, and that it's especially hard for you? That your parents don't understand you? That you wouldn't be adverse to the occasional amount of self-inflicted pain? Then congratulations! Emo may just be for you.
The items in this box will help you on your way to becoming a fully fledged Emo, but the real change is within. You've got to understand that if they (whoever 'they' are for you) don't understand you, they are wrong. You are always right. If your parents want you to do something, sigh and go sit in your room. The items in this box will give you some idea on what to do there. To help you, lets go through them:
My Chemical Romance CD:
The best music you'll ever listen to. Play this as loud as you can to drown out unecessary noice, whether it's from you or your family. Silence is golden!
Horn-Rimmed Glasses:
Despite a certain boy-wizard ruining things for the movement, these glasses will give you a distinctive look. If people laugh at you, sigh and walk off.
Converse "All Stars":
Preferably well worn. Feel free to write dark words on the toes to show everyone what kind of mood you're in. Suggested words:
- Death
- Blood
- Maim
- Darkness
- Torture
Grease:
If your hair simply isn't greasy enough to get the full effect going, pour a little bit of this into your hair to start the day. Rub it through completely. We suggest not washing it out, as it will excellerate the natural grease manufacturing nature of your own hair.
Mascara:
To make yourself look effeminate. Or express yourself through your look, whatever you're going for.
Eyeliner:
To give your eyes that sunken, shallow look. Or whatever it is you want to say through your eyes.
Inkwell:
Two fold purpose:
A) Use to write powerful, moving poetry expressing your feelings.
B) Change the colour of your hair.
Razorblade:
Caution: Advanced item. Use with care.
We'll let you figure this one out.
The look you're going for
You're trying to get a sensitive, yet strong and silent look going. Therefore, the best way to do that is to look effeminate. That's where the greasy hair and makeup come in. Try and portray to everyone around you that you're fine, yet secretly you want them to realise that you're not. Let everyone know how non-conforming you are, even though you and your new peers are aiming for the same look.
Poetry:
Depressing poetry is a staple of Emo society. You're expressing yourself through your words, and they must reflect your new bleak outlook on life. See the list of words for the toes of shoes for examples of handy words.
The future?
The future is currently unknown for the direction of Emos. Try and find a group of Emo buddies to congregate with, and collectively make up your minds about which direction you'll take your new non-conforming lifestyle."
The pamphlet ended here.
By the time I'd finished reading that, the tram had arrived. I chucked the box onto the road infront of the tram, and watched it get crushed before I got on.
Ben
